thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize