I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
and you fell through a lawn chair
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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