He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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