RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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