can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
