My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
