I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
