i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
