John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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