I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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