You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
