when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
