Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
