I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
