so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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