No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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