you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
