Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
