Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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