dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
