At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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