i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
