Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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