I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
