i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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