Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
