she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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