i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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