I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
