wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
