glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
