Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He passed out mid-signature
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
