Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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