so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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