I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
