They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
