My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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