At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
