I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
