The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Acid is not a monday night drug
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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