For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
