Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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