Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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