If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
