I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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