What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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