Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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