Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
