She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize