Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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