Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
