3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
