So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
