My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
