I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i permit you to call me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
