I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
