you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
