Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't deserve a penis
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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