You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
