life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
