Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What a dumb baby whore.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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