Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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