whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found puke in my bra..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize