if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize