what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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