I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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