apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
