i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
