I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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