is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
